INFOcus November 2007

www.LYPonline.com

 

On A Lighter Note

 

Must-see TV

stdl_eharmony_parody_60sec.wmv

 

All About Deselection for Librarians

 

Deselection Policy (a.k.a. 'Weeding')

There comes a chapter in every book's shelf-life when it must be 'closed' for the last time.  The following policy has been designed to ensure that a strict protocol will be adhered to during these delicate and sensitive times.  Below are three links to the sections of the 'All About Deselection for Librarians' page:  the first details how librarians may determine that material is ready for deselection, the second covers the deselection process, and the third is our archive of F.A.Q. regarding deselection.  Following these three sections is a comment/remarks/question archive; all e-mailed comments and questions will be reviewed and shortly added to our archive (under construction).  Enjoy!

 

Deselection Criteria

To be considered for 'file fourteen,' all material should meet a minimum of one of the following criteria:

  • Unsightly appearance (dull or poor construction, bland cover design, and/or internal graffiti)
  • Degradation (mildew, mold, crust, goo, slime, and any other such similar condition that leads to a state of "ol' book stink")
  • Circulation dirth (books with zero circulation in the past ten years)
  • Title beginning with 'Post-modern' or 'Neo-...' and ending with '...Studies'
  • Billionaire autobiography with billionaire pictured on cover smiling (viz. Sam Walton, Ray Kroc, Ted Turner, Donald Trump, etc.)

 

Deselection Protocol

Once selected, the process for deselection is as follows:

1.       Pick up book  

  1. Go to the nearest commercial dumpster (if your library lacks one, you may locate one at any fast food establishment under the pretense of going to the 'drive through.'  Warning:  Do not actually order food as you will be supporting a capitalistic conglomerate waste industry contributing to landfill saturation, deforestation, poor land management, and the deterioration of American public health--besides the food is really really bad)
  2. 'Secure the perimeter' (i.e. make sure no one sees you)
  3. Carefully check material for any valuables (viz. bills, checks, joints, coupons, etc.) and remove
  4. Perform the eulogy or diatribe whichever is required
  5. Fling book into receptacle (technique: over-hand for dumpsters, under-hand for cans)
  6. Flee from scene (mad laugh optional)

 

F.A.Q. Concerning Deselection

The following is a collection of responses to frequently asked questions about deselection:

 

Question:  What is the best method to document or record deselections?  --  Rich / Louisville, KY
 

Answer:  Really the best way is to find some wall space and, with a black pen, make a single vertical line to represent the first book deselected (like | ).  The second, third, and fourth can be represented by similar vertical lines marked parallel to the first (like ||||).  Then the system makes an unexpected turn, the fifth book deselected should then be indicated by a diagonal line which cuts through all four vertical lines along a NW and SE axis.  This process is repeated in sets of five.  After carefully experimenting and researching various methods we have found that this one serves best.

 

Question:  What if someone confronts you 'deselecting' a book into the trash?  --  Janet / Anchorage, AK

 

Answer:  If you failed to observe step three 'secure the perimeter' while following protocol or if you were simply deceived by an interloper, follow the three Ds:  distract, deter, deny.  Distract:  change the subject; you might counter attack with something like, "My horoscope predicted that I would meet a very special friend today, are you that friend?"  Deter:  blackmail, apologize, pretend to be a foreigner, act blind, any such ignominious method to contain the incident.  Deny:  Flat out lie in the face of any accusation; after all, it's one individual's word against yours right?  Fifty-fifty chance.  Now if a group of spectators is involved you're pretty much screwed.

 

Question:  What about having a bonfire?  --  Smokey / Atlanta, GA

 

Answer:   Bonfires are a great way to have fun and deselect at the same time.  Remember the best time is late fall and early winter.  Make sure to bring a lot of gasoline in case the fire dies and plenty of hot dogs and marshmallows.  Also a wonderful opportunity for drumming and tribal dancing.  Make sure you go somewhere remote, preferably an old growth forest, so no one sees you as it is quite illegal in some places.  Better to be safe than sorry right?

 

Question:  Like, do they, like, have 'weed' during this 'weeding' thing at libraries, and if so, like, can anybody stop by?  --  Jerry / street corner, NYC

 

Answer:  Good question, the answer is no.   'Weeding' has nothing to do with hemp, marijuana, botany, or gardening; may be that is a goal you and your librarian can work towards.  Good luck friend.

 

Question:  We have an entire floor of material, PZ to Z, where it would be easier to remove the salvageable books than to weed out the garbage.  What do we do?  --  Sandy / Columbus, OH
 

Answer:  In cases like these, a little 'accidental' fire might come in handy.  This way, you get to kill two birds with one stone:  you not only rid your institution of the books, but you also get to rebuild the library  with your newly acquired insurance money.  Make sure to pull those good books before the big burnout, okay?  Also, try to move away from Ohio, that's not an interesting place to live.
   

Final Ideas (Not to be Confused With J. Springer's 'Final Thoughts'):

Well, we hope you've had a good experience at the 'All About Deselection for Librarians' web page.  This is all absurdist humor of course; we apologize to any genuinely offended parties.  We hope you may have had some degree of enjoyment from this site, and, yes, may be even learned a thing or two.  Deselection is not a laughing matter; everyday thousands of books get that last 'check out.'  It is unfortunate that our appreciation of the written word is as undeveloped as this web site.  Only you can help us change that in the world.  That's it.  Oh yeah, and remember, look after your books...and each others.
 

Courtesy of Mark McNally mmcnal1@lsu.edu